Pathfinder - Origin of the Merchant King

Who needs charisma?

In which I become an even bigger asshole

We made our way back to the sphinx’s chamber. Rand and Jared placed the gems into the slots while I watched the sphinx for any tricks. When Jared placed the last gem the energy curtain dropped revealing a doorway.

Beyond the door was a circular stairway leading down. We followed the stairs down until they came to a landing at the bottom. An unintelligible language was scrawled across the door which none of us could understand. Jared listened and heard animals behind the entry and decided to go in. I opened the door to reveal a kennel manned by two orcs.

“What are you doing here?” one of the orcs asked with surprise.

“We’re here to kill you,” I informed them.

Rand stepped next to me to and attempted to daze one of the orcs, but was unsuccessfully. I leapt into the room and drove my sword through one of the orcs and moved back to protect the door. The orcs then ran off to unlock the wolves from the walls and the beasts charged me. I managed to fend off one of the wolves, but the other knocked me to the ground. Priest started buffing Jared up and he leaped into action, but was quickly charged by another wolf.

Rand continued to keep the other orc dazed, but as I killed one of the wolves the first orc made his way over to let the fourth wolf loose.

Jared and I started working the wolves over as I got back to my feet. One of the wolves dealt a devastating blow to Jared and he went down, though Priest was there to get him back up. Jared then crawled out of the room and I shored up our defenses while killing another wolf.

We backed up onto the stairs and kept the wolves at bay. Jared was able to get back into the fight and was not immediately knocked out. He started ripping them to shreds and killed one quickly. One of the wolves went down and the other wrestled Jared off his feet. It was to no avail and I killed the last wolf.

We then interrogated the orcs that were hiding in the corner. After getting some useless information about Mal, who is large, I cut off their heads. Better to deal with the orcs now than to have to kill them after they’ve raped some farmer’s daughter in a few days.

After wiping my sword off we headed down to the barracks on the next level where Jared was thinking he’d be able to rig a bomb to protect us from any orcs within. After being confounded with how we’d blow the door up we decided to just kill any orcs in the barracks.

Once we were all prepared, I threw the door open and charged in. We surprised the orcs in the barracks who were playing cards, and three more that were sleeping. Unfortunately, an ogre was also sitting in the room which we had not anticipated.

Rand lit the card table on fire with burning hands while Jared was buffed up. I continued the attack on the card table and tried to slay one of the smoldering orcs.

One of the orcs was a sorcerer and he cursed me, enfeebling my mind.

The ogre lumbered over to Rand and mashed his head in with a massive club.

I stabbed that god-damned sorcerer in the face and it went down faster than Jared in combat.

Somehow, Rand and Jared killed the ogre. Don’t ask me.

Jared then killed one of the orcs. Who cares.

So I killed another orc, because that’s what I do.

Rand sprayed some more stupid fire at the other orcs. It looked cool, but it didn’t kill any of them so what’s the point?

The other orcs came over and then zapped me. It sure hurt a lot, but it didn’t kill me. So I killed him. Rand gave me a thumbs up as if he had helped my by hitting the orc as it ran by him.

Shut. Up. Rand.

Then stupid priest let the last orc run by.

Jared chased him out of the room, but he was not fast enough. So I went after him.

I burst out the door then leapt to the stairs across the tower to cut it off. It was a twenty foot leap across, and I’d probably die if I didn’t make it. But that orc would warn Mal if he got by. Something was nagging in the back of my head that it was a bad idea.

I jumped from the ledge. Across the abyss. To the steps about twenty feet away. And about ten feet down.

My eyes followed the orc as he scrambled away from Jared. I was floating across the gap, my armor pulling me down to the pit, and my death.

I smashed into the steps on the other side.

The orc dropped his sword. So I walked up to him and ran him through.

We then rested, and I regained my senses.

We headed down to the next landing and an orc met us and opened the door. The stairs continued down.

“You are expected,” the orc said.

We entered the room.

Sitting behind a large desk was a large creature with two heads.

“Well, we’ve been expecting you,” the ettin said.

Priest and the monster spoke with each other. It turns out they were taking virgins to give to the Beast at the bottom of the stairs. I’m puzzled as to why they continued to live here.

After the small parlay we agreed to take the Beast out. We started down the steps, with Priest walking with the mayor’s daughter.

But we were lying! Once the daughter was down the steps we turned around and charged back into the room.

Jared and I stepped into the room and Mal flipped his large table at us. Jared ducked under it, but I just took it. Jared charged into action, going after Mal and biting at him with his disgusting claws.

Jared was quickly taken out. Priest started healing us up, Rand shocked one of the orcs, and the ettin followed me as I made my way out of the room.

I started making quick strikes against the ettin, but he bull rushed me and knocked me off the steps. I landed about two stories down.

The fall didn’t kill me, so I started running up. I heard the fight continuing upstairs, so I ignored the sounds I heard coming from the dark. The fighting I head was Rand shocking the ettin, Jared shredding the cleric, and Priest running for his life with the mayor’s daughter.

I was nearly to the top of the steps when I saw Rand come flying down. He landed much more gracefully with a fancy roll at the bottom.

I crested the stairs, panting and cursing at Mal who was once again on the stairs. Mal threw a javelin at Priest, knocking him out. I then set myself up so I could go after Mal.

Rand got up to Priest and dumped a potion of curing into him.

With one final massive attack, I leapt from around the corner and put my sword through the ettin’s heads. It collapsed to the ground and leaked brains around my feet.

The battle was over.

Now that we had rescued the girl we headed back out to take her back. The mayor was overjoyed and would grant us the favors we wanted.



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